Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Even my vagina gasped.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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