At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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