yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
