I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
