Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
