i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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