I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
