Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just high enough for therapy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
