Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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