Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize