Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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