He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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