Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
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The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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