A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
