I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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