Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex