New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.