I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.