So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day