Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize