South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"