I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.