are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This house was built for laser tag.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN