i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just cropdusted the office
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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