Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
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Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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