My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
