i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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