If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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