last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize