Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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