It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
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I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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