I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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