I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
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Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay