I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.