How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...