So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
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she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
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We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits