it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.