We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.