I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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