You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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