Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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