So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
