garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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