After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
