Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
