Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
