i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
