I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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