Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
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I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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