Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
