I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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