chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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