They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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