dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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