You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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