I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
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I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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