I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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