obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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