I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize