1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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